Feelings
by schrodingers cat 13
Summary: Just a one-shot set post season 5 written from the POV of Cameron. It's about how much she doesn't love House. Because she doesn't. Really. She has absolutely no feelings for him. If you want to be convinced of how much she doesn't love him, click here.


**Disclaimer:** _If wishes were horses, beggars would ride._

**A/N:** _Uh, hey there. *waves* Yes, I'm still incredibly busy, but I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and thought now would be a good time to publish it. To make the wait for the other one more bearable. It's written in 2__nd__ person POV (not that you won't notice that yourself), and set sometime post season 5. Season 6, I guess. _

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_**Feelings**

_What's terrible is to pretend that the second-rate is first-rate, that you don't need love when you do or that you like your work when you know quite well you're capable of better. ~ Doris Lessing  
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Life shouldn't be this difficult. It shouldn't be all twisted up in knots. You're supposed to be with the one you love. You should be happy . . . with the one you love.

You have a great husband. Without a doubt, many women would think of him as Prince Charming. And he is. . . . He's good looking; sexy body, pretty eyes, a charming smile . . . great hair. He's kind, thoughtful, sweet, isn't afraid to talk about feelings . . . not to mention that adorable Australian accent he has. He's a doctor, reasonably well-off, respected, polite and, most importantly, he treats you like a princess. He wants it all, a marriage, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence in the suburbs, complete with a vivacious Golden Retriever.

Then why does your heart still skip a beat whenever you see _him_? Why is your stomach all twisted up in knots whenever _he_ is near you? Why is it enough to just see _him_ for a couple of minutes, not even that, and life is beautiful again? Why is it that you feel alive whenever you are around_ him_ and merely content when you are with your husband?

It shouldn't mean anything. It's just one of those inexplicable things. Inexplicable, yet meaningless, because you can't still have feelings for _him_. Not after all these years.

You've changed so much since you started working for _him_. You've grown. There are no more princes on white horses and happily-ever-after's for you. Robert still believes in fairy tales, and you think how cute it is for someone to be this naïve. You wonder if _he_ thought the same of you all those years ago. Not that it matters.

That's the whole point, actually . . . people change, love doesn't last. It's been six years since you started working for _him_ . . . met _him_ . . . That's probably more than an average marriage lasts. See, you can't possibly still have feelings for _him_.

You're content right now, with Robert, which is more than you can say about most of your relatively short life. It's comfortable to be with him. 'Like microwave pizza' . . . the phrase floats into your mind. But it's not that you're settling for second best. Those doubts that you had, that was just cold feet . . . . That's normal, right? Everyone has them before they get married. If Robert says he didn't have them, that he was sure . . . he's just naïve. You know this won't be easy, but you've made your choices, and you've made your peace. This is what you want. And you're not settling for second best, because you never had number one. No, that's not right. There never was a number one, _he_ was just a stop on the road that led you to where you are now. Utterly content with a loving husband.

If you occasionally seek _his_ company, it is just because _he_ is a funny guy. Some people are like that; they always know how to make you smile. And _he_ just happens to be one of them. Robert isn't, but no one's perfect, right?

And if you happen to seek _his_ advice whenever in doubt, it's just because _he_ is blatantly honest. Some may see that as a fault, but that doesn't mean you have feelings for _him_ just because you don't agree with them. You've simply discovered that lies, no matter how sweet they sound, never helped anyone in the long run, and _he_ is the go-to guy when you want the truth. Robert . . . Robert just wants you to be happy and he's willing to do anything for that to happen.

And if you occasionally trust _him_ with your deepest fears, that doesn't mean you don't trust Robert. Because you do . . . trust him. It's often the hardest to tell your deepest secrets to someone you love rather than. . . . Right, that's all there is to it. It's perfectly normal.

And if you feel a strange warmth whenever _he_ is near you, that's just because you don't have to pretend around _him_. Because that's what you do around the people you love, and you don't love _him_.

And if it happens to make you happy whenever _he_ trusts you with one of _his _secrets, that's just because you are glad that _he_ is reaching out, and not because it is you _he_ chose to reach out to. Because you care about _him_. But you care about everyone. _He_ sure made enough jokes on that account. And _he_ was right.

Because you certainly don't have any deeper feelings for _him_. Everything you feel whenever you're around _him_ can be rationally explained.

And when it comes to your apparent inability to extricate _him_ from your life, well, that's just because _he_ is a fascinating person. _He_ is brilliant, really. And even though you don't work for _him_ anymore, it still feels inspiring to be around _his_ brilliance. You've learned so much from _him_. Personally and professionally. That's just another reason on your list. You admire _him_ and care about _him_, and that is all. Besides, you've stuck around Robert for the same amount of time . . . and Foreman . . . and the whole hospital. It really doesn't mean anything.

Like the fact that your lips shape into a smile, your eyes twinkle, and your heart starts beating just that much faster when you see _him_ stroll down the hallway towards you.

Or the fact that your batteries seem instantly recharged, even though you're approaching the end of a double shift when _he_ smiles at you. That soft, genuine smile that you so rarely see on _his_ face. Only almost every time _he _pays you a visit. But that has nothing to do with the fact that you suddenly feel like you could climb mountains.

_His_ eyes literally shine. But that has nothing to do with the warm tingling sensation all over your body.

Or the fact that _he_ is carrying a take-away coffee and places it on the counter right next to where your hand rests. . . . _He_ owed you one anyway.

And if it feels like the world stops on its axis, and everything but you and _he_ fades away into the background when _he_ says "Hey," that means nothing. It's just because you're tired and sleep-deprived.

"Wow, you look like crap. The ER sure isn't doing you any favours," _he_ says as _he_ shakes _his_ head.

A flat-out insult. Not that it matters, but any insult out of _his_ mouth makes you feel so much better than a hundred "I love you's" from Robert's. You should feel guilty. You do . . . just a little bit, but it's drowned out by everything else. _Because it doesn't matter._ Robert is your _husband_ and House is. . . .

Well, you certainly don't have any feelings for him. That much is clear.

**The End**

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**A/N: **_There may not be many House/Cameron scenes post season 3, but the ones that are, are great. I love their new dynamics. They seem to be on the same wavelength, especially since Cameron seems to have acquired some of House's cynicism regarding relationships and everything. Not to mention how open and honest they are with each other about everything. Well, except about that great pink elephant in the corner. Seeing this, I can't think of her relationship with Chase as nothing but a joke. And a bad one at that. _

_Um, I'll start working on the next chapter of Until Death soon. Today. Possibly. _


End file.
